Romantically Illiterate on the UWS

Out in Los Angeles, or what I like to call the “real world,” attraction is an easy concept to qualify: he asked for my number, he tried to kiss me, I gave him my number, we flirted, he told me he thought I was pretty. On the Upper West Side, all those very basic signs that let me know I am desirable in the secular world go out the window. On the UWS, I am romantically illiterate.

I can stand in a room of hundreds of young Jewish singles (ages 25-35, approximately) and truly believe that no one is interested in knowing me, romantically or otherwise. In my many brief UWS experiences, people never approach strangers, choosing instead to meander from acquaintance to acquaintance, exchanging niceties, and complaining to close friends that they wish the new faces in the room approached them or that the new faces would be amenable to being approached. No wonder insecurity spreads like a pandemic through the avenues of the Upper West Side! Each trip I take to “the scene,” I find myself second-guessing my social skills. Forget about whether or not I am attractive, am I socially adept? I barely succeed to add five new names to my list of “approachable acquaintances!”

The good news is, out in the “real world,” I know I am both attractive and socially proficient, and because of the confidence that goes along with recognizing both of these truths, I keep sending myself back to “the scene” in the hopes that I will meet someone worthwhile in spite my UWS illiteracy and the stunted and peculiar social norms of the UWS.

On this most recent trip, I did succeed in uncovering a few interesting insights into the UWS mentality that might help me in the future…

It is self evident that the eligible men on the UWS are afraid of approaching women. Why? Well, due to the overwhelming number of eligible women and the, unfortunately, poor offering of eligible men on the UWS, the men are pegged on a hierarchy based on a number of dateable factors (such as looks, financial means, intelligence, socially aptitude/cool, and overall desirability). All the eligible women believe that they deserve a man at the top of this hierarchy. And, if the eligible women are approached by a gentlemen of whom they have no knowledge or previous encounters, they are afraid that this stranger is nothing better than an awkward third, forth, or fifth to the finest (or most player-esque) single men on the UWS. They want “better.”

Instead of accepting the approach as complimentary, and figuring out the desirability of the new face over a drink or a conversation in shul, the eligible female thwarts the courageous come-on with palpable disinterest, or an urgent need to meet up with a friend across the room. Consequently, the non-“players” on the Upper West Side have learned not to approach women. And women are left lonely and wondering how to get a date.

So how do people meet, how are matches made? Very reminiscent of the good ol’ shtettle days, the UWS has reinvented the matchmaker. The modern matchmaker is a peer who is somehow connected to both an interested individual and the object of his/her interest. In other words, if a girl sees a guy and finds him attractive, she finds a friend or a friend of a friend to set the two of them up on a blind date. And so the matchmaker is reborn.

The problem with this new matchmaker system is that the hierarchy still exists, as does the rampant self-esteem crisis. As a result, singles of both genders fall into a commitment-phobic warp and become chronic daters, jumping from date to date, trying to work their way up this strange hierarchal design of the UWS. I wonder how people live in this environment year after year and maintain a sense of self and self-worth without becoming too easy or too sad. I don’t know that I am cut out for such a life even though I am willing to return to “the scene” again and again in the hopes of meeting that one person who makes it worthwhile.

To all the singles on the UWS, I wish you the best of lucky and the most unique of praises. I believe that I am capable of a lot, but, in some ways, you are stronger than I am. You endure a strange sort of struggle on a daily basis that I could not withstand. May you all succeed in retaining your sense of self and never feel compelled to compromise yourself in order to feel valued.

I look forward to sharing with you additional insights into the UWS as I uncover them. In time, maybe I will be able to school myself in the ways of the UWS and no longer think of myself as an illiterate stranger in a land of perfectly dressed, albeit, socially inept singles.

September 11, 2009

I find myself in New York on the anniversary marking eight years since horrible and unforgettable terror was unleashed on US soil. Eight years later, and existing at least three degrees of separation from any of the casualties of the attack, I still feel a powerful and surreal, if not an eerily personal, connection to the infamous events of September 11, 2001.

On that day, in the moments that I watched the second plane rip through the second twin tower, and in the seconds that followed- watching the twin pillar manifestation of US greatness collapse, my world changed. The foreign concept of subterfuge and terror, invaded my reality. And in those first few minutes of the attack, my deeply seeded patriotism burgeoned into an uncontrollable and unflagging love for this country.

The day that the terrorist threat to US security was unveiled as an actuality, America’s greatness was revealed. And on the day that Americans learned of the malevolence of people such Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and Zacarias Moussaoui, we also came to learn of the unique and exceptional unity of the American people. On 9/11, we came together under one flag, as one people; in support of our heroic responders, in grief over comrades lost, we were unified by our love for this country, our liberties and our fellow man.

And now, eight years later, I cannot help but well-up in tears as New Yorkers gather at the site of the attack, reading the names of all those who lost their lives in pursuit of the American dream. Every single name read reflects a unique member of the American population who contributed to our society and our greatness. The first responders, in particular, represent the best of what we can be. They were the embodiment of the greatness that is within us all.

I weep still at the thought of family members being torn apart by the evil, terrorist villains. The cruelty of that act, the hatred that propelled the terrorist plot frightens me to my core. Such hatred is beyond my understanding.

More than anything, 9/11/2001 will forever be seared into my memory as the day in which hatred clawed at the infrastructure of America, razing our buildings, but failing to keep America’s essence of virtue and comradery from lighting up the world.

I hope and pray that the families of all those injured or murdered on September 11, 2001 find peace. May they find solace in the fact that the memories of their loved ones, their stories of heroism and courage, will be passed on from parent to child for all of time.

The Republican Party Makeover

Whether you agree with Obama’s politics or not, you can, undoubtedly, recognize his appeal. He knows how to connect with the people. He is the embodiment of everything our contemporary society values: power, prestige, influence, class, well-tailored clothing, a fit figure, and a winning smile. Both President Obama and the First Lady understand how to garner worldwide support by embodying the publics’ ideal. While the Republicans still behave as though their views and accomplishments will earn them support from the populace, the Obamas have learned that political support and popularity is achieved, in part, by integrating DC politics with Hollywood élan. While both the President and First Lady are accomplished, their far-reaching popularity is not due to their academic histories, nor is it predominantly due to any of their many impressive accomplishments or politics. The success of the Obamas is their ability to transform a political image and appointment into something that society understands: a social status, a style and an allure. The Obamas are anything but a classic political family. The First Lady often bares hear arms at events. The President tweets and corresponds via his Blackberry. The First Lady also ranks on Maxim’s 100 Hottest Women’s list. And the President appeared on the Tonight Show, with Jay Leno, in order to communicate his message to the public.

The Obamas understand that Americans do not watch CSPAN; Americans watch the Tonight Show. And if you want to command the attention of the people, speak their language and appear on the programming of their choice.

While the Obamas breathe new life into the Democratic Party with their flare and fashion, the Republicans are becoming obsolete. Not only is the Republican Party old, stodgy, white, male, and Protestant, in comparison to Obama Democrats, but Republican leaders and figureheads are foolish enough to air their dirty laundry in public. Crass has not and will never be attractive to voters, Mr. Limbaugh and Vice President Cheney. Moreover, to all far right wing conservatives, I beseech you to contemplate the following question: What do you achieve by ostracizing the majority of voters with your extreme stances on issues?

I think the Republicans have lost touch both with the American people and conservative values. The Republican Party has transformed into something I hardly recognize. Instead of representing traditional values such as education, family, and dedication to land and country, the Republican party stands for war, anti-gay marriage, and pro-life. Look to Obama as an example of what reaches audiences. In an America influenced by Hollywood, voters will not choose leaders who stand for war, anti-gay marriage, and pro-life. They want something different. And if the Republican Party plans on staging a comeback in DC, they better be ready to give the American people what they want: A Republican Party Makeover!

Since most Republicans leaders are probably unfamiliar with America’s Next Top Model, and the multitude of copycat and similar shows, let me attempt to explain to you a basic occurrence that happens on all such shows. The contestants get a makeover, including wardrobe, hair, makeup, runway walk, etc. The contenders in running for the elite title of reality show winner are made current, contemporary and attractive to at-home viewers, because the viewers are also usually responsible for electing the winner through weekly phone-in voting.

Viewers however, are not merely superficial. In Dancing with the Stars, for example, front runner in dance ability, Lil’ Kim, was ousted from the show prior to fellow competitor Ty Murray, the rough and unrefined bull-rider turned dancer. Voters related to Ty’s dedication and persistence, keeping him on the show for longer than the always graceful and competent Lil’ Kim.

Likewise, the Republican Party needs its own makeover, complete with new faces, a female presence, new ideas, and a new way of delivering its message. The Republican Party needs to relate to the American people to increase its voting base. No longer should the Republican Party be synonymous with old, extreme, backward, religious, etc. Let the Republican Party stand for the principles on which it was built: a commitment to traditional values.

I can only imagine the number of people who would cast their votes for Republicans if the Republican Party gave up its religious-related causes. In America, religion should never dictate legislation or politics. God’s presence in American traditions was a reflection of a recognized higher order and greater purpose. Let us return to Conservatism in its truest form, and return to these traditional values.

Roe v. Wade has become a cornerstone of our society; marital rights and unions are such a small issue. Let us do away with these topics and remove them from the center of our political discussions. There are so many other issues needing Conservative support and attention.

We are living in a time of great change; to that end, Obama was right. Where will the Republican Party be during these tumultuous times? At the forefront, championing life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? Will the Republican Party protect our inherent rights and be the vanguard of American traditionalism? Or will the Republican Party be so obstinate and unyielding in its status quo that it will fail to redirect current tides toward a better future? Or even worst, will the Republican Party become so inconsequential and unpopular that it disappears altogether?

In accordance with true American values, the choice is ours. Current Republican leaders and activists alike: our country is being altered. The values of our founders and framers are disappearing. Let us be the change that reintroduces these values to the American public in a way that appeals to them. Let us remake ourselves so that our message can be heard and so that we can inspire America at large to change and return to traditionalism.

The choice is here, and the time is now. Welcome to the Republican Party Makeover.

Tocqueville the Prophet

In 1831, Alexis De Tocqueville visited the United States of America in order to assess the prison system here. During the nine months spent traveling through the US, Tocqueville took note of more than our prisons; he examined the strengths and weaknesses of America. Tocqueville’s Democracy in America, first published in 1833, is a celebrated and prominent work that sets in print the conclusions Tocqueville drew during his time in the US. Fundamentally, Tocqueville’s conclusion was that the US was a successful democracy unparalleled by its European associates.

Even prior to the Civil Rights Movement and the many judicial and legislative statues of the 1900’s that ushered in equality and social welfare, the US was a great nation. Unlike European countries, the United States was built on a foundation of religion for the purpose of building a life better for our children than we, ourselves, had. Moreover, Tocqueville noted the US was blessed with leaders who cared more about their constituents than their party.

In the same breath that he praised the US for its many unique strengths, Tocqueville also spoke forebodingly of the characteristics that could ruin the US, including an excessive love for equality. This seemingly honorable trait could, according to Tocqueville, drive men and women away from the unity and purpose at the core of the country. Instead, people would become increasingly materialistic and concerned with “self.” As equality increases, people begin to believe that they deserve the same wealth as everyone else in their society, despite difference in work ethic and training. Ultimately, the pursuit of self-interested agendas, such as wealth, comes at the cost of liberty.

And look where we are today. The prophetic accuracy of Tocqueville’s warning is frightening. We are a nation in debt; a lazy nation; a nation that criticizes the fundamentals of our society that we once venerated. “In God we trust,” “One nation, under God,” “God who gave us life gave us liberty.” These phrases should inspire people. These phrases are at the root of what makes this country great. We are all equal under God. Without God, under what measure are we equal? Based on society’s current value system, God has been replaced by a measure of wealth. The economy crumbled partially as the result of over spending in our pursuit of equal wealth. Exchanging God for money is not paying off.

Not only has our economy depressed as a result of our new focus, but also our entire value system has been transformed. Latest statistics released by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention show that 40% of infants born in the United States were born to unwed mothers. As a society were are no longer dedicated to creating a complete family unit consisting of two parents (irregardless of gender or race). Are we putting our children first? We are not ensuring that our students succeed in school, as our performance rates continue to plummet. And what have we done to improve the health of our youth? Obesity is become an increasingly pervasive problem among our students.

We are also no longer a religious country. According to the American Religions Identification Survey, the number of Americans identifying as Christian has dropped by 10% since 1990, and 15% of Americans give no thought to religious identity, whatsoever.

The irony of our current state is that as our quality of life improved, we have become increasingly apathetic and content to be dependent on the government. The government makes too many decisions on our behalf, and the leaders do so with little regard for the best interest of their constituents. Our representatives and government leaders represent the political parties, corporations and interest groups that support them. As a result, the government is influencing free market banking, pursuing universal health care, and creating far too many overly indulgent social welfare programs. In short the government is controlling our destiny.

We Americans have confused liberty with equality, and in doing so, we have surrendered our power to the government. With increased control, the government will make us the same. Government institutions will be our equalizers. But the American way has never before been about equal, as in the same. America has always stood for the right to the same opportunities. We are all free to pursue the same ends; we are not all the same. I want the liberty to be responsible for my own failures and successes. I want the liberty to make my own way- to work for what I want and to earn what I have.

In this vein, I want a political party and a set of leaders capable of inspiring the nation to be better than we are today. To turn back time and get in touch with the unique characteristics that made the US the envy of the world.

We are a country built on the sweat of immigrants, the brilliance of our founders, and the courage of a proud people unafraid to work and daring enough to be better than the rest of the world. Let us not forget from where our power stems, and may we be brave enough today to reclaim our collective heritage and as one people take back the right to control our own destiny.

I Don't Know

I Don’t Know

Clarity was something that did not used to elude me. I knew what I wanted; I knew how to obtain it. Even the world seemed to make more sense. Getting a job, an internship, an opportunity could be virtually guaranteed by satisfying the specified requirements. I knew how to operate in this controlled system. Today, I live life with great uncertainties. Caught between indecision and an increasingly tenuous social, geopolitical and economic environment, I am nearly paralyzed. How do I proceed when I don’t know what I want? Moreover, even if I could identify a particular pursuit, achieving it would be difficult if at all possible.

In trying to focus long enough to compose this blog entry, I am compelled to try to approach my dilemma with logic. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs seems like a decent means of evaluating my life’s deficiencies and drives. Upon assessment, I recognize that I have satisfied my physiological, esteem, and self-actualization needs. Somehow, I have satisfied higher needs without satisfying some of my more basic needs. When it comes to the needs of safety and belonging, I am deficient.

In order to satisfy these unattained needs, I need to determine the appropriate geographic location and field to pursue without compromising my other needs. So how do I determine what motivates me? How do I determine what will enable me to feel secure while allowing me to feel enlightening, accomplished and benevolent? How do I not feel overwhelmed and lost by the realization that a month before turning 25 I am completely unsure about everything? The only thing of which I am sure, is that I want to be a part of something worthwhile; to contribute to something that’s legacy is replete with contributions made and results realized. I want to make a difference and contribute to the positive transformation of our world.

But how do I achieve this? As of now, I just don’t know.